BDSM: It’s Not a Dirty Word!

The popularity of 50 Shades of Grey has opened up the world of kink to a whole new group. If you are among the 65% that dreams of bondage, where do you start? Here’s a rough and dirty BDSM guide that will leave you and your partner satisfied and coming back for more.

1) Communicate
The most critical element of successful BDSM play is a lot of talking. Talk to you partner about your fantasies. Get detailed. Create lists of what interests you, what doesn’t, and what might be fun. Your playing field is primarily going to land in the area where the “Yes, Please!” lists intersect.

2) Educate
There is a wealth of resources available to the novice BDSM player. Meet up with other kinksters at a local munch, a public venue discussion group for networking and education on BDSM topics. Visit a local dungeon workshop on bondage, creative BDSM toy crafting, or safe flogging techniques. Pick up a book and learn how to engage safely and how to prepare for potential disasters.

3) SSC/RACK
SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) are the guidelines by which most BDSM participants center their play. It means both partners are fully aware of and okay with whatever is going to happen, mutual respect is central to the activity, and every effort will be made to prepare for and mitigate potential unexpected issues. Safe words, or a way to pause or stop scenes if they get too intense, are a part of this. Most public dungeons use the Red, Yellow, Green system. Red means stop immediately, yellow means pause, and green means go, baby, go.

4) Aftercare
A critical step in a BDSM scene, aftercare should not be overlooked. When done correctly, BDSM can be emotionally and physically intense, triggering an adrenaline response in both the ‘top’ and ‘bottom’. Aftercare helps the body and mind recover from that rush. Partners get a chance to connect and reassure that everything is well. Cuddle, eat something small, and enjoy each other’s presence. Once you are both back on Earth, talk about the scene.